Struggles of Women Suffering from Premature Ovarian Failure
“Has someone come with you for counseling?”, asked the doctor. “Yes, my husband has come with me,” I responded perplexedly. “Call him in.”
After he came inside, my gynecologist explained to both of us, “Your wife is suffering from Premature Ovarian Failure, her FSH is as high as any woman in her 40’s should have, and AMH is too low.”
What happened next was all very hazy; the word “failure” was enough to raise the alarm. The walk back from the doctor’s office was one of the hardest walks in my life. All I kept thinking was it can’t be true; my periods were all okay, a little bit off sometimes, but I didn’t even have any kind of pain.
I was trying to conceive and was dreaming of starting a family when a single AMH test ruined all my dreams.
“Your ovaries are shrunk in size, and you have a low egg count,” the doctor’s words still ringing in my ears.
“The most vital part of my body was failing me, and I never even felt a slight pain.”
It’s a true story of a woman who got diagnosed with “Premature Ovarian Failure.” A one-of-a-kind and rare infertility issue, only one in a thousand women experience Premature Ovarian Failure. But the question arises what this disease is? Why does it occur? How is it diagnosed? What are the treatment options? One diagnosis creates thousands of questions in a person’s mind.
Premature Ovarian Failure
It is considered a mysterious disease whose definite reason for occurrence is still unclear. It means a woman’s ovaries are not functioning as it should be and not releasing eggs monthly for fertilization. The ovaries may not produce as much estrogen as a normal female’s body, and in some cases, it stops producing estrogen altogether.
Many women get diagnosed when they are struggling to conceive or when they miss their periods. Missing periods are attributed to amenorrhea. Other symptoms of this terrible ailment often go unnoticed, such as hot flashes, mood swings, difficulty concentrating, anxiety, depression, vaginal dryness, or trouble sleeping.
“The worst part is you ignore all the symptoms when your body is indicating a huge “alert” signal.”
A girl is born with almost 1 to 2 million eggs. Before she reaches puberty, nearly 10,000 eggs die per month. Upon reaching adulthood, she is left with 3 to 4 lac eggs in her ovaries. But the number of eggs dying each month decreases after puberty, with only 30–35 eggs dying every day. From here, the concept of the Biological Clock has originated. A woman suffering from Premature Ovarian Failure or Premature Ovarian Insufficiency has a low number of eggs, or her egg reserves have significantly depleted.
But that doesn’t make her infertile; the problem occurs if the egg quality is not up to the mark to make it to the entire process of the division with a normal DNA.
As a woman ages, the healthy eggs are depleted in quantity hence low chances of getting pregnant. But with a woman suffering from POF, the eggs-quality of the remaining reserve matters the most to give birth to the miracle baby.
“It only takes one healthy egg to make a baby.”
While a man’s body can produce 7 million sperms per day, eggs are neither produced nor renewable. These are the only precious pearls gifted from God to nurture and give birth to a child.
The Most Terrorizing Fear
The most terrorizing thought associated with Premature Ovarian Failure is the complete cessation of periods. It’s like closure to all the efforts and desires of having a child. Women may experience early menopause and all the risks and consequences associated with it, like osteoporosis, heart disease, depression, weight gain or loss, etc.
“The thought of menopause plays on my mind. How early will I go through menopause? Being so young, I also feel very lonely. Obviously, not a lot of people get diagnosed as young as I do. But I also get dismissed a lot. All I ever hear is, “you’re young; your eggs will be of good quality.”
~ Alice, Melbourne
Stress and Insecurity
It’s devastating news for any couple trying to conceive, and it causes distressing emotions led by confusion and shock and followed by fear, anger, depression, guilt, and hopelessness. Nothing can prepare a young woman to receive such news. All her future plans end in uncertainty, insecurity, and unexplainable fears. Feeling of worthlessness and being “less woman” creeps in silently ruining the relationship with the spouse and the family.
“I’ve never cried like I did after getting my diagnosis 4 months ago. Since then I’ve felt depression, anxiety, grief, everything. I’ve distanced myself from everyone I know because I can’t handle something coming up that sends me in a spiral. I went to a therapist who specializes in infertility and she said what I’m feeling is grief of what should have been and of a happy experience trying to conceive. Just as bad as if someone had died. Studies show infertility stress is comparable to a cancer diagnosis in many cases. It took a while for my husband to understand the severity and how seriously I was taking the news.”
~ Mag, Canada
Insensitivity of People
Usually, FSH and AMH tests confirm Primary Ovarian Failure in women. AMH value less than 1.0 ng/ml is considered low. FSH Value tends to be higher than average when AMH is low. A blood test on day 2 of the menstrual cycle reveals the values. And just a single blood test can create such emotional upheavals in women. Many women don’t like to share the news even with their immediate and extended family until they are ready. They may want to seclude themselves to avoid social interactions. The feeling of incompetency builds in along with societal pressures. The news is often greeted by “Come on, it’s not such a big deal, get over it” type of insensitive reactions.
“I found out last week, while doing a diagnostic hysteroscopy abroad, in my hometown. The doctor asked if we could do a quick ultrasound and found I had only 1–2 AFC, then confirmed with an AMH test the following day. I fell apart at the clinic, my dad was with me. I didn’t have my husband with me which was difficult. My mum cried as soon as I told her and my dad made the whole experience worse when he told me that a) I was overreacting by crying, b) to just accept that I might never have kids. My dad is a very difficult person, but in time of need of support and someone to just “be there,” I felt so alone. That’s when I opened a FB account to join these support groups. Now I’m back home and I feel just detached from reality like depression is seeping in. But I also feel a glimmer of hope for our first IVF in September. I’m still in shock. I am sorry for anyone that is having a tough time on this journey. People don’t understand.”
~ Martha, London
Effect on Relationship
While women going through this are having the roughest time in life, people around them seem to be so insensitive. Sometimes even the partner finds it hard to understand the severity of the issue. With each passing cycle comes the feeling of hopelessness and loneliness. Sex should be considered a pleasurable activity, but it turns into a tense act. The whole dynamics with the life partner change. For some couples, the suffering might bring them closer, but others may find it hard to adjust to the new reality. And the highly stressful situation aggravates future uncertainties.
“I believe I have been suffering depression since diagnosis and throughout my cycles. I struggled with sleep to start with, but it has improved now. But still to this day, I am always thinking about it, literally every day even if it’s just for a little bit. I still get very emotional sometimes and will cry seemingly out of nowhere. Sometimes I get angry about how unfair it is that I have this as well as endometriosis at only 21. I’m anxious. Anxious about money, my relationship, my eggs, my endometriosis, menopause. I feel like my situation with my partner is a little different too.”
~ Alice, Melbourne
Coping Up With The Situation
After the first shock and disbelief, the first step in coping with the situation is “acceptance” of the fact. While some women may not openly talk about their fears, their partners should try to communicate the whole situation. Even if they do not realize their spouse’s situation completely, they should just “be there” to make things better.
Kindness Cost Nothing
Unsolicited advice, whether it was given with good intention, can be hurtful. Do not bombard the couple with unsolicited advice. The couple may only need simple, comforting words, listening ears, and a hug. Do not share other’s success stories as it may trigger them instead of helping them. In a world full of insensitive people, be the one with the kind heart as kindness costs nothing.
Take Your Time to Heal
No matter if people try to undermine your trauma and tell you to get over it, take your time to heal. Remember, aches and trauma are not meant to be validated by others. Cry as much as you want to because your pain is valid. But open up with people you trust the most. It takes courage to talk about something so profound and valuable to you. And, it’s okay if your close-ones don’t get it; if they are true to you, they will stick with you until the very end.
Seek Professional Help
The woman suffering from the situation may feel societal pressure and may not cope with the depression and the unseeing burden of hopelessness. Every cycle results in heartbreak and makes it more painful to deal with the situation. Seeking professional help and counseling can help in dealing with the trauma and ease the stress of treatment.
Use “Unfollow” Option On Social Media
It gets frustrating to see every other couple announcing their pregnancy and seeing the “perfect pictures” of their gender reveal party or women flaunting their baby bumps. When you see your newsfeed bombarded with such stories, it’s time to hit the “unfollow” button or take a break from social media for the time being.
Join Support Groups
One of the gifts of social media is the existence of support groups. Join such support groups to meet with the women who are suffering from the same fate. Nothing can comfort you more than the feeling that you are not alone suffering from the disease. Discuss with them, befriend them, and cherish each other’s miracle stories. Hope is still there if you hold on a little longer.
It’s Your Journey, Make it Beautiful!
No matter how hard it seems, no matter you have to opt for intrusive and painful treatment options; remember, it’s your journey. It may be longer than others and filled with lots of ups and downs, but who knows, a bundle of joy is waiting for you at the end of your journey. You were chosen for this suffering. Make it the most memorable journey with your life partner. Hold each other’s hands while going through this. Don’t let your partner suffer alone. If there is a short time of trying to conceive, make the most of it by giving it the best shot.
“I think I ended up going home early. Horrible news! It took me a few weeks to grieve and realize how incredibly lucky I am to have found the love of my life, and we can have a great life together with or without children. I stopped birth control immediately and tested again 3 months later, and my AMH was up to .25, better but still very low. We’re giving having a child our best shot, because I know I would regret not trying, but I think I’m finally okay with whatever the outcome is, either way”.
~Katie McCormley
Life Doesn’t End Here!
Even if you do not get your miracle baby, there are many babies in the world waiting for someone to adopt them. Maybe you were given this trial only so you can offer all your love to some innocent soul who is seeking love and joy in this lone world.
“Out of difficulties grow miracles.”
All the stories shared here are true. Names and locations have been changed for privacy.
